The Problem With Gay Friends

Believe it or not, most of my friends are straight guys and girls. I have friends who hang out predominantly with gay guys and the drama is unbelievable. Usually, they've fucked each and every other person in their respective groups (and hence drama often unfolding soon after).

For example, take the Doppelganger's group - they're a good example. After being tight-knit for ages, the treacherous web of flirtatious, ambiguous feelings and blowjobs has torn them apart - threeways. Dopple and then bf has broken up (lots of dishonesty and betrayal apparently), tearing the group into two, and Dopple is pretty much my best friend these days. Loads more drama there, but I digress. The point is they're not on good terms anymore.

So I try to get to know people outside of groups. It's easier, less intimidating, and the two of us can actually get to really talk and.. attempt a connection that requires no bodily fluids. Especially since I'm back in Melbs during the summer (where Asians are scarce and you feel emptiness out of your ass), I've been about meeting people.

Crossing out the ones that I don't think I could be friends withthe brainless and the creepy, you actually do find a few nice guys (not taking their faces or bodies into account la). The both of you can actually talk on a non-patronizing level and enjoy each other's company. You guys hang out, go to dinner, watch a movie, and you secretly tell yourself you're glad you had the balls to say hi on Jack'd before dismissing him as someone not worth bothering with.

And then it happens.

You go for a movie, and halfway through he suddenly holds your hand. You go clubbing, and suddenly he's jealous you're dancing with someone else, face darker than the mold on the bread my disgusting ex-housemate didn't toss out while getting the fuck out of my apartment. Or maybe you guys were just hanging out casually, watching 2 Broke Girls on the laptop when he suddenly sticks his tongue down your throat.

He wants something more -sexually or emotionally you can't be sure, but if that delightful prod behind my left thigh was any indication, he wouldn't be sure until he fucks you.

This has happened twice in the last 3 weeks.

I had sex on both occasions and rather enjoyed it. But that's also besides the point LOL.

Maybe cause we're all guys (horny bitches) and besides both parties being more willing than girls there's always this possibility of falling in love and being together. And sex too, that gets in the way (of my ass) a lot. I really wouldn't mind but somehow, perhaps cause of the awkwardness of having had sex, or the shame of confessing certain things you normally wouldn't, or maybe just plain ol' unreciprocated feelings, that very close friend you were so glad to have made would just be another fling in your distant past. And someday down the line you'll meet each other again through some mutual friend, or perhaps at a place you both used to frequent, and the acknowledgement of acquaintance for someone you used to spend hours texting would actually be a dilemma.

Either way one of you would give in to the nostalgia, while the other vehemently denies the affair from their existences. No one wins, everyone is left empty at the end, like a bottle of whiskey after its contents have been enjoyed: hungover, and left to wonder if the entire episode ever happened.

Sub-standard Kayson

Is it normal to feel inadequate and outwardly-subpar (read : ugly & fat) at 5am in the morning?

I've been attracting quite a few cute guys on Jack'd (don't judge me.. Leonut's using it too!) (plus me and my bf are both on it to ogle at hot guys and stuff and we have each other's permission and blah blah). But the thing is my Jack'd picture is not of my face (no face pics at all, in fact), just a few pics of my body. 

Surprisingly, there are a few who weren't looking for sex (I usually tell them I'm attached and that I'm just here for friends after like two exchanges hehe). They actually liked what was written on my profile. 

Obviously after a while they want to put a face on that body so they ask. Ugh and I get so reluctant to send them my face pics cause fuck la I so ugly compared to them. But anyway I did reveal my face to one or two or five cutie pies. 

And then they ask me out for coffee. Shit lol. 

I guess friendship has gotta start from somewhere but what if I don't live up to their expectations.

The Bf tells me I'm stupid and that I'm gorgeous but fuck his opinion he's obligated to say that (or I withhold sex). 

I posted "Plastic surgery gmh" on Gives Me Hope once (go read it, it's actually quite... errr heart-warming at times).

Stupid optimistic people ("the FML for optimists!") are actually really creative when it comes to insults.

Yes that was me.

Fuck me and my superficial childish problems. I'll be reborn a hungry African child in my next life. At least I don't have to worry about being skinny then. 

Ok stop. My life is amazing. I'm happy everyday *throws mirror at housemate who is currently having sex*

The Dilemmas I Face When I'm Too Free

So a few weeks back two of my straight friends (a couple) went with me to MP for k-pop night (it was boomz). While the boyfriend was chatting with the inevitable letdown (that's quite a mouthful lol) and his bf, the girl was dancing and I went to check on her while heading to the toilet.

She was dancing with this really hot guy. Handsome face, buff (but not overly buff) body.. omg jealous max. When she spotted me I shouted over the music to ask if she was okay. She said she was and winked at me... and then so did he.

"Your friend is very pretty!"

"I know right," I replied, turning towards my friend to catch her blush.

"You're very cute too," he said, before leaning towards me over the rails (I was elevated as I was on the stairs, while he was on the dance floor, regular MP attendees should know what I mean), and giving me a hug. He also snuck a kiss on my neck in. "My name's Kenneth!"

Caught off-guard but not to lose my cool, "So are you, I'm Kayson." I smiled the best I could (full on dimples and all) and he reciprocated with another. I said I had to go pee and I walked away reluctantly.

Soon after we were talking to this guy who somehow just sat down with us (D) and suddenly his friends arrived, all drunk and looked very much like they were about to pass-out. The guy from the dance floor was one of them.

That was the end of that night.

The other day while browsing (not stalking!!!!!) through D's FB timeline I spotted Kenneth.

Perhaps I'm too free, but these past few days I've been in a dilemma whether to add him or not! I mean, just to be friends, nothing more. What's the point, you ask?


HE'S FUCKING HOT LA

Akin to this standard, seriously. Stolen it off Eric's blog. Teehee

What do I doooooooo

Facial

Recently due to my last nights partying and the like, my complexion had gotten a bit dull. So two weeks back or so I was masturbating in the shower as I was allowing the hair masque to sink in and I came. 

I faintly recall people saying that it does wonders for the face, and I had nothing to lose so...

Yeah. I think it does work for me.

Has anyone else tried it? Does it work? Don't tell my mom k.

Like A Bimbo

Been hitting the gym like 13 days in two weeks for 5 weeks now. I think I may have pulled my leg. And I want to go clubbing tonight.

#gayboyproblems