Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Day You Said Goodbye

K :When you kiss me, sometimes I imagine you imagining his face over mine
X :No, never, you're you, and he's him
K :He's still there isn't he, in your heart
X :He's still here

Thank god there was still sufficient residual alcohol flowing in my veins. Blocking out these words are a lot easier when I have trouble recalling them, but they still come back, piece by piece, to haunt me in timely doses.

I remember as we stayed in the car, for so much longer then was necessary. From one spot to another, while the dogs barked at us, while I held the tears back - for the first time, your kiss could not make things better.

It should have been the longest of moments, but there I was, still enjoying your company, despite how torturous it was for my emotions, time still sped by like every other time we're together.

You told me, that you don't know your feelings for me. You know that you really care, and I think you just like kissing me and hugging me. Could it be that you actually do love me back, but you're denying those feelings because you've gotta once again fly away in a months time?

We've been playing this game for 9 months now. We've came so deep, but I guess I just can't compete with a housemate, a uni mate, a sex mate, a vacation mate of 3 years.

What you said after, it was as good as goodbye.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Last Night Of My Life

Tears flooded these eyes of mine, as the mere thought that it wasn't real overwhelms me. I don't care if you're mine, if you're with me, if I'm yours or otherwise. The one thing I cannot take, is if everything we've shared, everything you've told me, is a lie.

I have an image of you in my mind. You're a great person, a great guy. People have always tried to make me doubt you, and you know that. Every single time, I stand up for you, and check with you later. I'm allowed to be insecure, and I thank you for your reassurance.

So I cried my tear ducts dry last night. I'm glad we're still great.

I have no idea what's gonna happen to us.

And this is the last night of my life.