The Reason Why

My flight is in 9 hours. It is almost 6.30 in the morning. I had not slept, probably due to excitement at the thought of heading home. To the thought of seeing you. I had waited for this moment for a long time.

I don't wanna point fingers. I don't wanna blame you. I don't wanna fight. I don't wanna argue. I don't wanna say the things we both know are better left unsaid. I don't wanna complicate things.

'Whatever la'

I guess somewhere deep down, you will always be my inevitable letdown.

Of renewed brilliance

We tend to grow used to things, becoming comfortably numb. Be it the sleek polish of a brand new car, the easy intoxication of your first shot of tequila, the utter confidence while wearing new clothes, the exciting new start in a different environment or even the sheer handsomeness that is your face.

We get excited over new things, and after a while we forget how awesome they are, breaking out of our contented complacence without valid reasons. You, for example.

I was looking through your pictures, and those of us together. I found myself once again captured by your sly smile. It brings me back to the very first night we met, and that look you gave me. It took me back to a time before our emotional confrontations, before it was us against the world, before it hit us that we could only delay the inevitable.

It took me back to perfect chemistry, and ecstatic yet warm feelings. It took me back to voluntarily participating in a (FUCKING MASSIVE) rush hour jam to spend more time together. It took me back to the smell of your car. It took me back to alcoholic kisses, saliva exchanges and desperate embraces. It took me back to lazy afternoons at Alexis.

It brings me back to the ecstasy that was you, and I. (As well as overpriced Alexis cakes!)

It's been a year. I'll see you soon.

Something that's been haunting me

We roll in bed. You kiss me softly on the back of my neck, hugging me tighter as I snuggle against you. You turn me around, kiss me on the forehead, cheek and lips, saying "baby you're so cute" between kisses.

If the day comes when I'm no longer the cute me you claim to adore, would you still love me?

Or would you cringe in disgust at the thought of two uncles kissing, being intimate or loving each other?

Cause I would.

Insignificant Update™

Went around Melbourne visiting places yesterday, but the highlights were definitely the three vineyards. And their free wine-tasting. *licks lips*

So, the Bf has gone back to Malaysia while I've still got about a month to burn here. One of my last close friends are leaving tomorrow and then I shall start working for a bit. On the bright side, dad told me he would pay for all my holidays and stuff cause I've been a hardworking bitch. And no he didn't say bitch, and yes I didn't know how wrong it sounded until it was all typed up on screen.

I miss home!

But I really should be happier. Lol, nowadays my biggest concern is what I should do to my hair.

I miss him =(

Like A Bimbo

Been hitting the gym like 13 days in two weeks for 5 weeks now. I think I may have pulled my leg. And I want to go clubbing tonight.

#gayboyproblems

The One That Got Away

I think everyone's blogging about this video now, probably cause everybody can relate. There's always the one that got away, like for me, the guy I mentioned in the last post (whom I gave all my love to and didn't stay).

I mean, we're still in contact. I would consider him one of my closest gay friends, and that we always have each other's back despite the gossips and stuff that we might hear. We talk about our bfs, me telling him the sweet moments and him telling me the drunk ones (he is responsible for my alcoholism) (ah the sweet old days when he would feed an initially unwilling me Macallan's through a long, wet kiss). We skype (the last time just yesterday) and I'd comment on how fat he's gotten while he would tell me how I look like those lalaboys from Sungai Wang with my hairstyle. We compare dick sizes of people we've seen (or got to know..personally). We bitch about anyone and everyone.

Watching this video made me cry. I just cannot picture my bf leaving, being the one who got away. But I guess for now, you still hold that title.

And you will always be important to me.

So Here I Am.

(again)

This blog used to be my emotional escape. I went through the posts all saved in drafts and went through an emotional roller coaster. It's not hard to remember how I felt before, albeit one year ago. Many things are very different now.

I'm in Melbourne now.

Doing the degree I've been planning to do since I was 15, in the university I aimed to get into. Done with my finals and am now bumming around with some cash and loads of free time.

All my love didn't make him stay.

But now I'm together with the perfect guy (who dumped me in March, not so perfect) and am infinitely happy. Sadly all good things must come to an end one day. I'll enjoy the moment till it fades. And cry while blogging during its afterglow.

The ex is now two exes ago.

And he's happily attached with a really nice guy for quite a long time now. I'm really happy for him. I think they plan on growing fat together(his words not mine). Sometimes on twitter I get the impression that he's not completely over me. Sometimes I feel like he's avoiding me even. Sometimes I think I'm really conceited and vain. 

I'm finally back at the same weight.

This time with abs, a more defined chest and the same kick-ass porn star butt*.

*As rated by my boyfriend and ex and some lesbians and straight guys and friends and girls who have touched or felt my ass or saw me in my undies or speedos or etc.

But yet here I am, needing an emotional sanctuary. Or a fucking manhole (entrance to sewers, not an actual asshole) to dump all my bullshit in. I guess some things just don't change.

Yes, you still have to pretend I'm anonymous.