Sunday, June 18, 2017

Take Your Nothing Back

An ex gave me his military band name tag about five years back, similarly to how high school kids in the US gave their significant others letter jackets. It wasn't worth anything, but I loved it just the same— it was an acknowledgement that what we had was real.

They said many things. That it was apparent you didn't accept all of me. That you only wanted me physically. And that our relationship was not conditional of what was inside my head and heart... But this changed things, right? It meant that I could disregard what others said about our relationship.


I guess the saddest thing about the need to disregard what others are saying is that they're right.

And on some level I probably knew.

So maybe that's why I pretended I lost it when you wanted it back. Or maybe I'm just making shit up as I go along. But does it even matter anymore?

I'm ready to return it.

I'm not making it up as I go along.

It's just tiring. To feign hatred for someone I really don't hate. To hold onto something that was everything that was really just nothing.


You can take it all back.