Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Dear Sis

Hello thereeeee it’s your brother. I don’t know if you know lah, but I’m the kind that always thinks a lot, like the too-much kind. I worry someday you’ll become like that, and I just want you to always be confident, to believe in yourself and the wonderful person you are and not think too much.

 On Mom, it was a really difficult issue growing up. You should know how turbulent our relationship was. Things are different now (in a very good way, yay), but there are some days when she is still unreasonable. For example, yesterday (Thursday 28 August). I don’t know if you realized but she told us to move the books into the karaoke room, and then she angry at us for putting so many books in it. LOL. If you did, kudos for not talking back because it was soo tempting to say it lah ahha. But anyway, when mum was still being unreasonable I told myself this: “they love us so much and the least we can do is take their shit.”

I always try to remind myself that mum (& dad) have given me so much (everything I have, in fact) and that I really owe everything to them. The least I can do is take her anger and spin it into a smile, to make them feel like all the hard work they put in is worth it, you know? Because they worked really hard and picked up all this stress (mum especially) and one of those reasons is because they want us to have the best. I mean, you don’t have to believe this but I’m just sharing my mind with you. Anyway, the trick is to turn mum’s anger into happiness.

You have to first start small. Mum is a very sceptical woman (she has placed her trust in the wrong baskets too many moments in life to be carefree, especially doing business and all) – you have to prove it to her. So the next time she wants something, don’t complain and just do it, like actually do it, because you want to make her happy. Even if she still pushes you, just do it. With a smile on your face. Tell yourself your mum is just stressed. Because it’s true, mum stresses out over the simplest things: she just tries to control everything. She needs control because she likes to plan (mum is the planning kind). When something is out of her control, she has to plan to fix it, and she stresses out. When mum stresses out, it often lashes out as anger because in business, anger always has to be hidden. Even if you fucking (excuse my language, babe sis) angry also you must swallow and just smile; that is business.

This is another secret that you should know, Sis: it begins with a thought. Even M jie jie thinks so. For example: first you think about it once a month, then once a fortnight, then once a week, then twice a week, then everyday. Then you do it when you think about it… and you might think: man this feels so fake why am I just doing it just because I want to pretend to be a better person than I really am, but no, just do it. Because first you do it once. Then you do it again. Then eventually you’ll do it without thinking. It becomes a habit. And then it becomes you.

So don’t think negative thoughts sis. You don’t want to drag yourself down. Use this secret in a positive way.

Anyway, there are a lot of things I would do in a heartbeat for you. But I am always hesitating because girl, I am not exactly the best influence. I don’t want to lead you astray. So I’ve been thinking about this a lot, helping you with the cheer issue. Am I really doing the right thing? I really wasn’t sure, but now I am.

This time is not important. It doesn’t count. And now that cheer is over you have plenty of time. Please study hard and make it. Prove that u can do it. I trust in you to try your best, okay?! I am not fixing the problem – I am merely helping you get another chance. Only you can fix it.

And yes, mum’s expectations are high. I don’t think you did so bad either. Not toooo bad. But don’t you want to have good grades too? I am always so proud of you. I believe you can be the girl who is good at both cheer and studies. Juggling two things is difficult but you can definitely do it if you try hard enough. And if you can’t it’s okay, I won’t let you fall ;] .

So anyway, writing this was a great relief for me. Actually giving it to you would be tough though. So if you are reading this now I hope you don’t think this is weird, and that you don’t think I’m fucking crayyyyy (don’t use that sorta language IRL though, thanks). Hahahaha!

Love you always baby sis! ALWAYS, I swear.



Edited with actual names removed, obviously haha. But yeah, how weird would it be to actual let her read this anyway? Lol!