Wednesday, September 1, 2010


X is returning to the UK to pursue his PHD in London this Sunday. I'll be attempting to let go and move on, and ideally go on with my dreams of living the apartment-car-blackberry-clubbing-hotness lifestyle in Melbourne, and find another guy of my dreams to screw with. And being lonely and cold in a foreign land, I would fall in love easily and everything would be so bright and dandy. I hope.

But I would only wanna stay in Melbourne, and not some other random kampong area place. And the only place that offers the course I want is Melbourne U, but what if I don't get in? The alternative is Monash, and we all know Monash is over-commercialized now. I mean really, at the end of the day your degrees are all the same, the only difference is where you got it from right? Imagine you having to tell people, 'I was from Monash. Oh, the Australia one, not the Malaysia one'.

So if I can't get into Melbourne U, the second plan is to head to UCL in London. UCL, where Inception was 'brainchilded' from, where they even filmed at, where X is.

Wouldn't it be perfect, if I was there, with X? The reason X has always given me, prior to his affair with N was that, the distance would tear us apart. And just yesterday he told me that that was the reason he gave up on pursuing me.

I wanted to ask. I wanted to know. But I'm so scared, so afraid to know the answer.

Would it be stupid or immature to say that, I still don't wanna move on?

How did I fall in love with you so?

What if I were where you were, and distance was not a problem. What if you got over N, and could happily stay in my apartment. What if we could sleep together every night, and nobody had to know.

Would you still pick me?
Or has the novelty of me, resolved itself?


J-boy said...

Love is the single most powerful thing.
i hate how it overwhelms the mind.

that feeling.. where u want someone so badly :(
and it's not healthy too i know that. this past month i have said/done some really crazy things becoz of love. and it hurts so much to not be loved.

wanting to let go, but you just can't. becoz ur heart always goes back to the person.

sorry for spamming your post with emo-ness...

Kayson said...

indeed it is. but there're still gonna be loadsa times when sometimes love just ain't enough. ;(

it's okay. we can emo together, with that didi of yours, qboy the emoQueeeen. ;)

sorry for spamming the posts with emo shitt :(!

Takashi said...

u'll know it when the time comes honey..
for now, hugs and kisses..

Kayson said...

:( he's leaving, leaving, leaving..this time it feels so final.

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