Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I'll Say It Now

I can't put my finger down on the exact moment that caused this to occur, but I'd imagine it'd be the result of silence snowballed. Perhaps it was from the start, when you said long distance relationships would never work and I agreed because at that time I believed so. Perhaps it was that moment when I accidentally ended the call before I could clearly hear you say it accidentally for the first time. Perhaps it was because we actually started caring for each other, yet we were too afraid that saying it would actually mean it was happening?

I love you.

I'm not afraid anymore, and I'm going to say it. I'm going to tell you how much I love you, how I cry just thinking of you, how I'd love you even if you were ugly(I'm pretty sure, I asked myself this already), how I'd love you even if you failed everything, how I'd love you even if you lost a leg, gotten a disease, or the like.

I love you.

And I think you love me too, and I''ve said it, and maybe you might've realized it then and there, or maybe you might realize it later. Or maybe you might've already realized it but you've been keeping yourself protected. But I will bring it up again, and I know it's not right, for me to make you hurt and become more confused between me and N, but I will.

Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems,

maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano,

All I know is,

I love you too much to walkaway



A said...

I was just about to say that I remember reading this entry earlier today when I saw the "republished" part.

Love is complicated. And a long distance relationship is hard to maintain. Its seriously tiring work. Talking from my own experience here. But if its meant to be, it'll work its way out just fine.

And I guess you really love this person. Coz your definition of love is somewhat similar to how I feel it is. But I don't really believe in love anymore.

Hope things work out well :)

P.S. I just noticed that there's no way to contact you in your profile.

Kayson said...

well, i actually unpublished it because people started to figure out who i was. and then one of them confronted me about it, and he told me this, 'You're crazy in love. No one will judge you.'

So haha, i republished it, after censoring the names of course. and also because i could post this post again, because i just told him again that i love him ;)

it's a complicated story.

Kayson said...

and oh yes, i'm uncontactable ;) i'm so afraid that i somehow am, and that somehow it will lead them back to me. that's why no cbox, cause cbox = too much open talks for me to moderate ;p

give me your email and i'll email you ;P

A said...

That person is damn right!

And glad to know you finally said it out loud :)

Nothing about love is simple.

As for cboxes, I've had really bad experiences with them so I don't bother anymore.

I cant give out my email here in public! >_<

Kayson said...

>_____> that's gonna be a problem.

tuls said...

my name was exposed once in my cbox and i freaked out, spamming the cbox was what i did until its finally out of sight.. im still wondering whether to keep it or not.. as for the email, i have 2 separate ones, one is for the gay side and the other for the "str8" side.. haha..

there is only one kayson on facebook.. and we have 3 mutual friends and all of them are plu.. and youre that kayson then congrats.. youre 20 this year.. if not then maybe its someone else..

@A ~ i agree that if its meant to be, it'll work its way out just fine. but why not believing in love anymore?

A said...

@tuls I don't know. Just too much has happened and I don't feel like its a real thing anymore.

tuls said...

ok.. no worries then.. youre still so young.. long way to go ya know.. dont lose hope..

Kayson said...

Haha we already exchanged emails la tuls! Through the rejection of comments via A's comment moderation~~

And lol, I'm not that Kayson. Kayson is the 'gay side' ;)

And my my, trust me, A has his reasons for not believing.

A said...

@tuls haha i'm not THAT young :P, but yeah I get what you mean. thanks :)

@Kayson =]

tuls said...

erm.. ok.. good for the both of you.. :) were you serious when you say you teared after reading that ldr thing? im so so sorry.. never meant to.. hopefully things will work out for us la.. hm..

Kayson said...

Haha, don't apologize please. Yes I really did tear. It just touched close to home. I just wish that mine was as..willing to give love a chance despite distance.

What to do. The world moves along. I too, will move on one day.

Qboy said...

Touchy-feely Kayson o.o

Kayson said...

>_> slutty qboy

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