Pangs

I am going to write about something which might piss some people off. And that is something I somewhat enjoy doing, so fuck you! Haha.

FUCK I'm horny. It's been three months of long-distance-relationship-ness, and I am very tempted to cheat. At first I just got on Grindr because firstly, my bf went on it first, and secondly, to hopefully quench thirst through distant waters or some bullshit like that.

There is too much temptation.

Wanking off doesn't help for long.

Random roadside aunty called me yong sui.

Balls are very blue.

Dick is very hard.

Ass is very itchy.

Goodnight.

Underneath It All

So I was in Bali.

The sun was appropriately sunny, scorching down upon the feast of hot white men while I hide behind sunnies and a tequila sunrise. Most young Caucasians, despite my deep-seated Asian preferences, are undeniably good looking. Some of the older ones are toned and have that sexy, rugged daddy look, but most are just kinda.. meh. Not my cup of tea.

I was wearing this pair of red swim shorts over these pair of white speedos. The red shorts I got half-price at some factory outlet place in Melbourne. The white speedos I've owned since I was 15, from my days of competitive swimming, that I've not worn before. I remember buying it cause it was just so fucking sexy la. You always see those jap boys with fucking hot bodies wearing them in porn (teehee).

When I first arrived, two guys walked pass, one blonde and the other had dark hair. The blonde was donning Raybans and turned around to look at me a few times. That same blonde walked pass, while I was playing cards with my dad, aunt and uncle and smiled at me. I reluctantly smiled back, afraid my family would notice but god it felt amazing to get attention.

When I finally got some wifi, the first thing I did was get back on Facebook, reply stuff on twitter.. before finally turning Grindr on. Are there always these many gay men in Bali?!

You were in another country.

I wish I didn't care.

Knifed in the Back

(to be read in one breath)

There's this really nice girl that IS sincerely a really nice girl who I got kinda close with and then one day she confronted me about being gay so I told her over wine and then told her she wasn't allowed to tell anyone and I found out she told her best friend and another guy and now I can't even look at her my trust is betrayed now all I wanna do is to do nothing to her because she's still a nice girl but I just can't be friends with her anymore.

$%^ Why can't you just be a motherfucking bitch, nice-girl-bitch?!

Only as bright as you wanted me to be

It was the only place I'd ever known

Turned off the lights on my way out the door

I will be watching wherever you go,

through the eyes of a fly on the wall

Black Rose

Backdrop perfect, colors strong
It came too close to a full bloom
Moments right that turned out wrong
Left the lone black rose to a mourning moon

Gaps between fingers now unfilled
Another rose red now exists
Between two smiles memories sealed
Watching it bloom within our midst

Letting go isn't moving on
Moving on isn't moving forward
Beauty cherished before its gone
These petals fall gracefully, feigning comfort

Darkness swallows what was whole
Blood red buds eclipse what was
No more us against the world
No more world to be against us

A somber stem will remain
Adamantly lasting as rosebud dies
Perhaps someday blooming again
Perhaps someday a fading goodbye

Backdrop perfect, colors strong
Immaculately fitting for one bloody bloom
Moments right that didn't belong
Left the lone black rose to a wilting moon.

**I do not own the picture**

And We Will Never Be The Same

That moment when you realize you don't matter anymore.

Two years down the road.

Things have changed.

So we're not still the same.

We're not who we were.

I can't remember if we're at where we hoped to be.

I can't remember if all that was said was a real memory,

or just a vivid reverie.

Distance is such a contradiction.

Priorities have changed.

It's not us against the world anymore,

issit? ;' )

Happy Two Years. You still haunt me everyday even as a memory. 

Another Year

First and foremost,

Happy New Year Bitches!

It's been the longest time since I went for a double-gay-clubbing weekend* and I had a fabulous time (despite counting down in the car). I'd kinda swore off the Msian scene for quite a while now (conveniently coinciding with my departure to Melbourne *cough*) but it felt good to be home. I've been out and about practically everyday and now I'm taking a few days to recharge my batteries.

Life in Melbourne is amazing but life at home is always the best. It's good to be home =).

*Frangipani on Friday + Marketplace on Saturday 

 On to more angsty matters;

"I'm not gonna bother meeting up with Kay cause he doesn't even have the heart to find me first."

Fuck you.

No shit, I am busy. I have a lot of people to meet. I can't remember every single bloody person. Would it hurt you so bad to just contact me first? Is that such an unbearable emotional pain?

I am so tired of everyone expecting me to call the up and make the first move to ask them to meet up. It's okay if you don't, but to say something like that above? Fuck you.

You have just proven yourself unworthy of my time.

K but don't forget I am very happy happy happy (outside of this angst anyway ahha)