Sunday, January 27, 2013

Fuck Buddy

I've been seeing L for about three weeks now and it's been pretty good and all. We get along well and are at a fairly reasonable level of friendship. The first time he stayed over we were just watching a movie when he made a move on me, pulling my mouth close and sticking his tongue in it. That was a good night.

He's been over a few times and aside from hanging out and stuff we've obviously been having sex. That's a no brainer. And it's pretty obvious that I kinda have a thing for him. I don't know if he feels the same though.

He was tipsy in the city earlier and came over to crash, all depressed and shit. I've heard him slip up before but this time he managed to drag my spirits down with him. I was making such an effort, even outside of tonight, and I'm not sure if it ever works anymore. It really makes me question how.. positive of an effect I can have on people. I haven't felt this way in a long time. So I gave him some sleeping pills and tucked him into bed. He wanted to hug me to sleep but I just wasn't in the mood, I needed vodka. And orange snappe (or however you spell it).

Smoking on the balcony (I smoke now, that's how much I've fucked myself up), sweet alcoholic beverage in hand, I contemplated the vast skyline. I felt emotionally heavy, like all the excess baggage I left at the some airport of emotions finally caught up with me. My ex, him leaving, me begging.. I was the one who broke up with him due to the unavoidable circumstances.. but the truth is if our love was enough it wouldn't be inevitable, distance wouldn't affect us.. He was the one who truly dumped me.

I made a decision to just be friends with L. And I realized how stupid it was to have taken pictures of us both topless together, on the bed. Sometimes you get so eager to move on with life, your mind forces you too hard into the hands of that potential someone - even if you've just met him, and you do fucking dumb things.

I turned his phone on, minimized Facebook and while searching for the pictures stumbled across his messages. One in particular caught my eye, and I couldn't resist. He was such an enigma, really, that I had to stoop this low for my own peace of mind.

I cringed while reaching for the gallery icon.

& In just a few minutes, happy moments frozen in times were erased from physical existence.

But fuck my ridiculously unforgiving memory

And fuck my sweet ass too bitches

cause I'm a fucking fuck buddy.


Shadow Wind said...

sometimes..we just have to go on with it and say, hey we've both enjoyed this. so there's no hard feelings. = ) Don't fall for him, will you?

soul232 said...

It is inevitable for such thing to happen bcoz we are prone to emotion. That's what make us human. But I'm pretty sure u can get through it, buddy =)

huggies to u

Aiden said...

I know we're not close. But if you ever want to talk or something, you know where to find me. *hugs* this too shall pass (:

Kayson said...

Thanks guys! Sorry for the late reply. Been smoking pot lately. Lol

JokerPJ said...

how does pot taste like? lol~

You know what's best for you lah :)


Tawsif Chowdhury said...

I enjoy your story......Fuck is really tasty....
fuck buddy

Trentent Silver said...

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Gulzar Begum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gulzar Begum said...

sometimes..we just have to go on with it and say, hey we've both enjoyed this. so there's no hard feelings. = ) Don't fall for him, will you? To know about that, paid to

amiruddin mansor said...

Wanna be my FB?

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