No no no

Motherfucking dopplegangger shared me this. And I'm sharing it with you all so you all can feel sentimental and yearn and imagine how sweet it'd be to be a couple as cute as that.

Doesn't change how me and the bf are gonna turn out though.

Doesn't.

Overwhelmed

His exams finish tomorrow.

We're supposed to go celebrate his belated birthday. Go visit the hot springs. Spend endless days rolling in bed. Cook together. Update his wardrobe. Do all sorts of lovely things together that'd make us both so content and happy.

But I feel reluctant.

Why make more memories when you know you need to forget?

Ok there is faulty logic behind that. I know eventually I'd get over it and be glad I have the memories. But until then comes along, I'm on survivor mode.

Swagger

Hi guys.

First of all sorry I'm not replying any comments on the last post, I didn't even read them. I don't even want to look at that post. It feels like one of those things I would write while intoxicated then wake up and be ashamed of. But it's been many days now and I'm still hungover.

Went clubbing yesterday, was really tipsy and towards the end of the night I became really emotional. It started when the Bf sent me an ordinary, good-night-take-care-don't-be-too-slutty message. I got really choked up at that cause I guess it hit me how much I'd feel his absence when he leaves. Anyway, the Doppelgänger stayed over at my place later. We're friends now. Lol

I would write dramatically in stunning emotional detail about what happened but this is a new laptop and I don't want to cry over its keypad. The conclusion is that he didn't get into masters, leaving real soon and I really don't know what to do or how to feel.

In other words, watch this space.

Trainwreck coming through.

Sleep Deprived

"I haven't received the letter yet."

He mentioned to me casually. The letter in reference was his Masters acceptance letter. I noticed the hinted casualness behind his tone. I hated that I noticed and questioned everything. My mind processed it really quickly, and I tried to not look too deep into it in the unconsciously way I could consciously impose.

I didn't wanna process the consequences. I didn't wanna have the realization dawn on me. But it did.

All I did was smile.

Smile as you studied for your Friday paper.
Smile as you hugged me on the bed.
Smile as we watched a bit of Desperate Housewives.
Smile as you fell asleep.

You could be leaving soon. This could truly be our last month together. And that is why I only slept two hours last night.

In an perpetual struggle with thoughts that threaten to unleash these tears

Thankful

It's almost 5am as usual but what's different this time is that I've just awoken from my blissful slumber.The exams are finally over and I've acquired a new-found appreciation for the luxury to do nothing at all.

I knew that I would fall asleep if I went home, thus fucking my sleep cycle even further, so I went shopping with friends and dived head first to Body Attack (it's my favourite gym class!) despite having not slept in more than 30 hours. My exams ended at 4, we took an hour (went home to shit and kiss the bf) before arriving at the city, and most stores in Melbourne close by 6 on weekdays.. you would think that an hour is hardly enough to shop.

You're wrong.

And in the lingering euphoria of NEW CLOTHES and the huge weight of exams off my shoulders, I am infinitely happy. I mean, I've always been content, even in the 20th hour of my suicide-tempting study marathon after my second jar of Nutella, but I've always regarded contentment and happiness as two different (but none the less related) things.

But right now I'M FUCKING HAPPY LA!

Can't wait to club next week (too tired now, a lot of sleep debt to pay off), karaoke, MJ sessions, chilling around doing nothing, Lady Gaga (Ooooh yea Bf got us VIP seats!), wearing my pretty new shit, and having a whole month to spend back home in Msia to boot.

But the contentment has always been there.

And the picture now seems completely irrelevant to the post.

Crash

Running on caffeine-fuelled borrowed time until further notice.

I keep telling myself I can't slow down now, that I can't take a breather right now when the finish line is so close. It will be over in two days, but I can feel myself crashing down this very moment.

20 mins won't make much of a difference.... right?