It's been the longest while since I've been able to plaster on my face a smile that touches the very edges of my eyes. I had a first day of work describable only as drastically fantastic, and the best weekday ever post-work with my favourite darling sister.
I guess when the closest relative you've had is the most unfathomable of lows, the slightest of buoyancy can feel like the utmost peak of all highs.
It's almost like I'm actually happy.
But a post-dinner walk at our local mall where Jerome and I spent shared so many dinners and coffees and conversations and feelings, backed by the most tragically appropriate of coincidental soundtracks blurred existence into clear illusion.
My perfect delusion of "okay" shatters into countless, question-mark shaped shards of play-pretend. In its wake is but a stinging truthfulness.
The truth is that it hurts more than it doesn't. The truth is that every dazzling smile is but an semi-automatic call to arms, an increasingly firm grip on that reality falling away into an infinity of drops from the saltiest ocean, depths unknown but shaded with darkness as certain as the endless abyss standing below.
I'm sorry. I know it's all on me, and I know it in my feels. It's almost laughable, but...
You're a world away
Somewhere in the crowd
In a foreign place
Are you happy now?
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