The Chase of Temporary Highs

There're somethings I really have to say, not for anyone else, but for myself. I chose to let this cannon loose here for the sole reason that I write best under the possible judgment of another's eyes. Preferably anonymous.

I am an individual who has a penchant for chasing all the wrong feelings. This somehow extended to weed, and eventually at Stereosonic I went harder. I exercised control even while under the influence, but I still partied two days. Two pills. And then some.

I became the bad influence my parents warned me about. With my values twisted, even my best intentions warped into negativity. I was negative. I always was, but drowning my sorrows with various vices I fell into a hole I honestly don't know if I could've escaped alone.

I'm drawn to problematic individuals, friends with various issues, with the only consistency being that they drowned their sorrows too. Together we traversed down a road paved before us. At first it was fun, liberating myself from the haunting voices inside my head. Then it plateaued,  and I felt the voice of reason pull me back. I was scared, despite the enormous love amongst us. This love we had for one another brought us deeper into the hands of the pleasures we lost ourselves in.

Earlier today, I caved and submitted to my cravings. It was too readily available. The marijuana made me uneasy, uncomfortable. I wanted it to end. Deep down I was thankful that I developed this aversion. I've been there, to the darkest, deepest pits of ganja wasteland and I know it doesn't make me happy. I'm done.

So why did I do it again? I don't know. I cannot explain it. I can only be glad I regretted it.

For the longest of time, "the chase of temporary highs" was the tagline of choice on many of my profiles. It came naturally to me, and I didn't think much of it, but that really was my life. That really was me. Is me. I don't know. Internal conflicts are the worse, and the driving force fuelling my then out-of-control habits.

Enough is enough K.