I Love You

It's a complicated, melancholic story. Perhaps it's because I'm a melancholic person. Despite my happy life, I'm actually melancholic by nature. But I've learned how to be happy, by appreciating the things I have and being thankful for the things I don't. After a while, over the years, it became second nature to me, and it took very little effort.

But I'm just too tired to try recently. Tonight I'm broken, and despite us both crying in the car once again, I wonder if you cried cause you loved me.

A lot of shit to write, but fuck it. Long story short, it's complicated.

I had sex on Tuesday. I went cruising, attracted a whole lot of attention, and followed someone home. It hurt quite a bit at first, but that's okay cause I liked the pain, I can relate to it. It was the first time sex was so casual for me, completely without emotional attachments. It was the first time I didn't even know his name.

I guess I just needed to not feel shit all the time.

Oh and I said it, I love you.